CRUDE REALITIES
Driving was a pleasure until last month. Over the week-end it has become a pain.
I take you to Petro Bank of India where Shetti who owns a Tata Sierra is waiting at the desk of the credit manager, Karnik.
Karnik looks up from his papers “What can I do for you?”
Shetti clears his throat “I’m looking for a medium term loan to fill my tank. I wonder whether you can help me.”
“Sure” says Karnik. “The bank is meant to assist people who own a car but cannot afford petrol. You’ve anything to mortgage?”
“You can take my car “says Shetti. “It is 2007 model Tata Sierra and is in excellent condition. There is not a single scratch on its body and is single-owner driven.”
“We need some asset” says Karnik. “We consider it as a huge liability especially the way the crude is jumping like a hot baby.”
Shetti becomes desperate “I have got a huge farm house amidst two acre land at Panvel. It is virgin piece of land surrounded on all sides by greenery. Will it do?”
Karnik smiles “That’s fine but it won’t cover even the upfront fees for processing the loan application. We need something more than a farm land.”
“What about my wife’s jewellery? She has a glittering gold necklace studded with diamonds imported all the way from Antwerp. It has been a part of the family heirloom for over seven decades.”
Karnik says “Well we will adjust that against the commitment charges for the loan. What more you have to put up?”
Shetti is rattled “I have got a plush six room bungalow overlooking Worli sea face. It has a swimming pool, tennis lawn and a basket ball court. There is also space for putting up a golf course but we have not done it because golf balls are too expensive. That’s all I have.”
Karnik relents “Okay as a special case we’ll take the bungalow, farm land and the jewellery to cover the loan. But we would request you not to speak to anyone about the concessions we are extending to you.”
Shetti queries “How long have I to repay the loan?”
Karnik replies “Ordinarily we like to limit the repayment schedule to 12 months. But if you have some genuine problems we can extend it to 24 months. The idea is to make people repay the loan before the oil marketing companies go broke and shut their plants.”
Karnik continues “Okay, now please sign these papers and hand them over to the credit officer. He will give a token with which you can draw cash and fill the tank and drive off like a free man. Please be sure to get two non-car owners to sign as guarantors. Wish you good luck.”
Shetti gets up “Thank you very much, Karnik. I will never forget your help. Actually me and my wife thought we will never be able to take the car to the theatre. I’m sure she will be thrilled hearing this great news.”
Shetti pauses and continues “Karnik can I ask you a very personal question? How do you manage after the petrol hike?”
Karnik smiles ‘I have got the most fuel-efficient vehicle for commuting. It is called bi-cycle.”
